Senang2 je ehk dia ckp his heart has closed for me. Sighh. Sometimes I tried to think that all guys are different. But then again, seeing how they end the relationship, to me, they are just the same. Sekarang ni,nk cerai pon pakai sms,apa lagi breakup kan.
Apa? Nangis? Haha.. Ada lah jugak aku nangis sikit. Dah 9 kali ehkk... Hmm..
I just don't believe what 'love' can give me,anymore. I mean it's really hard to find someone who meant every word they say. For now ,i just have to stay away from relationship.
But of all the things he told me, I shall just remember the important ones. The one that actually taught me something.
Be positive and learn to appreciate. =)
'I'm still wearing the smile you gave me when we first met.'
buy me a Vodka @ 10:57 AM
Wednesday, August 10, 2011
I'm not gonna plead.
I'm not gonna beg.
I'm not gonna get down on his knees.
Nahh, not this time. I won't do the same like what I did with my ex. Cause I learn that, if he wants to stay, he will choose not to leave. As simple as that. =)
Cause if he were to ask me, I would want to give myself a second chance and of course,give my commitment to this relationship..
buy me a Vodka @ 7:45 PM
I just felt like letting it out. Since there's no one I can talk to, perhaps I can just blog it. It's the same anyway. Cause I don't need any comments. Just a 'listening ear.'
It wasn't my intention at all to make him feel that way. I'm not that cruel. But maybe, I tend to overlook things. And I didn't expect it to turn out this way. Yeah, like what's happening right now. He said he needs time. Alright, I'll give him.
He lose faith in me. I know life is totally unfair. But things already happened. And yes, I need to mend my mistakes. Be it intentionally or unintentionally. The least he could do now is to tell me to leave him alone for a while. Rather than not replying to my sms. Cause it does pissed me off. A bit.
I just don't want to drift further apart from him. And that is why, I texted him each day. But I didn't know he wanted to avoid me. Or maybe not. I don't know.
See, there's no communication between us. I'm afraid I might just misunderstood his actions. You know what I feel??
I feel like as though he only wants me when I'm at my best, when I can make him happy, when I'm all good. And that he can't even handle me right now. When this isn't even my worst. He lose faith in me,because of what I did to him,unintentionally.
I'm not saying I'm right, and he's wrong. He have feelings too. I understand that. But I have a heart as well. And it feels.
I've had 8 ex boyfriends. Yes, I'm more experienced than him. But that doesn't mean I won't do any more mistakes. I'm still learning. And he, got to learn that relationship is just not about being happy together with each other. Neither it is only about making mistakes. But, it is to understand your partner, accept their flaws, guide them where necessary, be with them through ups and downs,etc. It all needs time and we've gotta learn to be patient.
Talking about guiding, yes, I do want a guy who can guide me and not just leave me hanging nowhere. Well, I'm here to guide him as well. We can learn from each other. Relationship is about more than just 2 people falling in love with each other.
You know I've been in this situation before. Do you still remember how I act? I was being too pushy, cause I was afraid of losing him(my ex). But nah, I'm not gonna repeat that again now. Because I've learn. And I don't wish to end up in the same situation.
Sometimes I just wonder, how do I manage to keep myself calm when I'm hurt as well. There are times when I really do wana talk back. Do you know that? Well, I'm just soo stubburn, big headed and egoistic. Oh hell yes baby.. But, there's a soft side in me too.. Where I usually give in and accept everything. They say life is unfair, so yeaa, just let it be. And sometimes, I just took it as a 'punishment' for my past mistakes.. Cause I heard, if you hurt others,you will get hurt too in return. =)
Well, THIS IS ME. I'm not trying to praise myself or whatsoever. I know what I'm capable of doing to show him that I love him. But hey, you don't get all of me in one night. How long was I with my ex? Some months, some a year plus. To get to where I am now, it took more than a day.
But I really do felt miserable for making him feel as though he wasn't being appreciated. That was never in my plan.
I told myself I don't wish to be in a relationship after that breakup. But he,somehow, appear in my life, and changed the whole situtation. Why on Earth would I wana take him for granted?
Sighh, I miss him badly right now.
I miss the way he stares at me, I miss him poking my side, I miss him touching my chin, I miss him saying 'have I told you today that you're beautiful/that I miss you/that I love you, I miss his smell, I miss kissing his cheeks with my nose, I miss talking to him on the phone for hours, I miss everything that I've done with him, and everything that he always did with/to me. I just miss him.
Why didn't I just tell him? Well, I've already did. =)
All I need to do now is be patient. But than again, I'm lost. Errrk.
If I text him, I won't be entertain cause he won't reply. But if I don't contact him, will he think that I'm not making any effort to prove to him?
In the end, after letting out everything, I'm still that one confused girl.. Hmm
Oh well.. This is just some ranting from a girl who's not that matured yet.
So, pardon me.. =)
buy me a Vodka @ 12:00 AM
Saturday, February 19, 2011
Well, what can I say.. People change... N I change too.. Hmm..
Love have no rooms for mistakes.. Only lessons.. And yeaa, can say that I learn my lesson pretty well.. Hmm.. But then of course, r/s do need commitments from both party..
All I can say is that, if you're brave enough to love someone and make them yours, shouldn't you be brave enough as well to overcome all the obstacles that you have to face with them??
For me, I know it's my mistake in the 1st place. But I'm not someone who will took a long time to think and reflect. And I hate to prolong an argument... So yeahh.. Much difference huh?? And they can even say opposites attract.. Perhaps, with much understanding, things wouldn't get any worser..
And now, ppl are telling me not to give up.. What the heck.. Cause now, I'm tired of talking and trying.. Cause I know, the more I talk, the more things could get worse.. Cause whatever that comes out from my mouth are all hypocritical bullshits..
But hell yeahhh.. Decisions r already made... Just be happy and satisfied with it okay, Mr Ex-Boyf??
And I just hope that you will find someone who is much more perfect than ME.. =)
p/s: This is my blog, so suke hati aku nak ckp apa..
buy me a Vodka @ 4:29 PM
Wednesday, February 16, 2011
Mum has been 2 engrossed with tagged.. Hearing guys saying 'I love you' to her, is really irritating!!!! Kenal dgn jantan sana sini... Kiwak! Time aku single pon aku tk mcm dia sak!!
I just hate it! Pagi2 buta, da on computer.. Org nk tdo btol2 pon tk leh... Cos of her typing 'noise'..
Pagi2 aku da menyumpah... Seriously.. Fed up sak!
Kata nk close account.. Skali lepas tu ckp nk bukak account baru plak.. Sumore using my email address??!!! What the hell she's thinking..
This is really not going my way! Arrrgghh!! This month sucks! And i'm just dealing all this with myself.. Thanx to myself too..
I hate myself.. I really hate myself now.......
buy me a Vodka @ 6:39 PM
Tuesday, February 15, 2011
I feel like crying my heart out!!
I just couldn't take it anymore.. like seriously... I'm breaking down......